if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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