All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
