You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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