im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Someone came in the potted fern
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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