cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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