Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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