Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
