and next time when you feel me up, do it right
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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