She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
