Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I did not marry a roomba.
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