Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
