alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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