I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
