hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
