i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
