my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We left the knife in your bed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize