my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's always time for handjobs
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
