Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
