IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
