he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
