if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
