We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I did not marry a roomba.
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