pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
