There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
