I faked an abortion last night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
