So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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