I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize