So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
