you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
