I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
