Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
