I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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