Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
