I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
