How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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