John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
