I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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