as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
