Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize