It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
how does that bad decision feel?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
And then he peed in my hair
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