I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
