Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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