The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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