so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
