I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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