Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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