They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We need to get me chipped asap
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
