it hurts more in the daytime
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize