his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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