a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
