I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
