I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
