if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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