____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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