omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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