if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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