We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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