drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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