I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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