I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize