Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize