How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
