i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
