is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
