this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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